Self-Compassion

A paradigm is a way of seeing and understanding the world. It shapes what we notice, what we believe, how we interpret events, and how we decide what is true or important. For example, imagine two people watching a child struggle to solve a problem. One person sees a child who is failing, while the other sees a child who is learning. They are looking at the same situation, but their paradigms lead them to understand it differently. One primary paradigm is the paradigm of self or the way we understand who we are. It includes our beliefs about our identity, our abilities, our worth, and our place in the world. And it was created by our culture, education, families, experiences and life events. The challenge is — paradigms are like wearing tinted glasses. They color our world and it feels natural. We don’t realize that we are looking through our colored glasses and not seeing life as it truly is. Who we think we are may not be accurate. Our paradigm of self is not who we truly are; it is the story we have learned to tell ourselves about who we are. Like any paradigm, it can be examined, questioned, and changed. We can begin to notice the assumptions we make and ask whether they are always true or whether they reflect old experiences, fears, or expectations. It is a way to open and experience the world in a new way, possibly discovering that we and others have the same desires - to be safe, to be accepted and to be loved. Changing our paradigm of self doesn't mean pretending to be someone we are not. It means becoming more aware of the lens through which we see ourselves and others, recognizing that this lens is not the Truth, and opening ourselves to new ways of understanding the world. And perhaps see that with our tinted glasses removed, we are no different than the “others.” One way to discover these new ways of seeing is through quieting the mind. Join us at a Day of Meditation to possibly discover life without tinted glasses.

Life is just a vapor; let’s live it while we can. Every day’s a gift; breathe in and hold it. Every day’s a gift; it’s gone before you know it. Song and lyrics by Paul Thorn I’m sure you all have had a “song worm” that just repeats and repeats in your mind. Life is a just vapor has been in mine for over a week. I used the lyrics for a talk on impermanence at a daylong retreat. As it's played over in my head, the truth of it has deepened. The talk on impermanence reminded me that although we know intellectually that things change, we mostly don’t live from that knowing. For example, we know that everything that lives will die but why is that flower losing pedals right now when my mother is visiting! Or why is my body changing and failing when it always used to…. Living into impermanence has helped me appreciate life - as Paul Thorn sings. It turns an ordinary moment into a sacred moment. If you knew, truly knew, this moment would never happen again, would you be here differently? Would you rush through life? Would you spend any time whatsoever on resentments? Impermanence lessens the solidity of any thought or fear. When we focus on what “we think”, we can miss other ways of seeing and being. Impermanence helps us loose our grip. It doesn’t promise life will be easy. It promises that life will change. And change makes healing possible. Mary Oliver wrote “This one and precious life.” The preciousness of this life has surrounded me lately. My wish is that you too know this.

Do you really know whether it's going where you hope to go?

Sitting in the center, we serenely watch Yes and No chasing each other endlessly.

This is the youngest you will ever be

I love the parable of an elephant and three blind men. I’m sure you all know it. Each man touches a different part of the elephant and describes it based on his limited perspective. One touches the leg and declares an elephant is like a tree trunk. Another grabs the tail and “knows” an elephant is like a rope. The third holds an ear and says an elephant is like a fan. Each is “right” from their perspective. People argue and fight over what is true. They fail to acknowledge that their individual "truths" are only part of a larger reality. Their truth is not the whole truth. To grasp the whole truth, an integration of different viewpoints, experiences and perceptions helps. When we hold on to a single, narrow view, we are unable to see reality clearly. Being curious and listening to other’s views opens our own vision. For example, someone did something unskillful in the past and you don’t like them. One action does not make the whole person! Do you approach them as if it does? It’s not to condone behavior but perhaps to be willing to open to a different view. Or you meet with friends from the past. Not only do you have different memories of the past – each of you having highlighted a different piece of the event in your minds – but also you hold different expectations of each other in the present. How can you see who is in front of you while holding onto a view of the past? How often do you approach the next moment with true clarity? In Pali, the language used to document the Buddha’s initial teaching, Vipassana means “seeing clearly”. It’s more than just mindfulness or sitting meditation. It is also investigating the true nature of all phenomenon; impermanent, unsatisfactory and not-self. It’s understanding the role that feeling, perception, memory and thought play in coloring reality. And so much more. Ultimately, seeing clearly is often more than just Buddhism. Many other traditions offer different strategies to see the truth. The truth is multi-faceted and the integration of other paths can help deepen wisdom. A daylong meditation retreat offers an opportunity to investigate what might be coloring your view, to name one “elephant” that might be obscuring your sight. At the same time, the retreat space offers time in nature to enjoy the woods, a lake and quiet spaciousness. It offers a time to refresh ourselves and as the mind quiets, we can see more clearly.

Wholeness or Perfection

Rilke and O'Donohue

Silence is something that comes from your heart, not from outside. Silence doesn’t mean not talking and not doing things; it means that you are not disturbed inside. If you’re truly silent, then no matter what situation you find yourself in, you can enjoy the silence. - Thich Nhat Hanh “Silence is not merely negative – the pause between words, a temporary cessation of speech – but, properly understood, it is highly positive: an attitude of attentive alertness, of vigilance, and above all of listening.” - Archimandrite Kallistos Ware “We need silence, not to escape from ourselves but to know the foundation, the roots, the tendencies of our true nature. There is in us a zone where noise and tumult have no place, and a zone where everything reverberates. When we try to return to the inner, vital zone, it is not to cancel the noise. We do not make use of our moments of collectedness as a retreat. Inner silence is comparable to a light that reveals what is in the shadows, reveals our mechanicality. When we deeply relax, our attention unglues itself little by little from our preoccupations, our identifications. It moves, gropingly, toward the zone of silence… During the experience of inner silence, if thoughts appear, they pass as if upon a screen. Our emotions are short-lived movements that do not carry us toward externals. Our moments of inner openness are linked to the silence.” - Alphonse Osbert “Do not worship silence, but that to which the silence leads.” - Tom Rothschild “Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself. - Herman Hesse